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The Avengers
The Everything Wrong With video for the 2012 movie The Avengers. Transcript #(a glowing blue cube is shown) This is a tesseract, and that's pretty much all you'll ever know for sure about it #Secret military research facility on brightly lit exposed mesa #Helicopters do not need to follow roadways #Coulson wears sunglasses at night (so he can, so he can) #Nick Fury's character development literally begins and ends with "eye patch" #Exciting superhero movie starts with plodding exposition #Possibly-racist movie kills two Asian extras in a row #Tesseract powers allow for mind control by tapping the center of the chest #Dangerous energy source space doorway with gamma radiation? Screw it, transport by hand # #The "bullet-proof-vest fake-out" #First action piece of major superhero film is a boring car chase #Scene does not contain a lapdance #Bruce Banner is hiding out where only little girls and S.H.I.E.L.D. can find him #Shield answers to: 4 people on vertical plasma screens? #Bad guy henchmen running laps #Loki's scepter is also a space phone #The Heli-carrier is hella stupid #Cloaking device is dumb, but also I don't know why they're hiding #Cap pays off a bet he never technically accepted #"We're sweeping every wirelessly accessibly camera on the planet" #Loki makes grand appearance changes that barely change his appearance #Attacks Germans but lectures them in English #Did he America just jump from a plane? #Cheesy and pointless Hitler reference #Late night kidnap brotherly argument on a mountain #Superhero pissing contest #Supervillain prisoner left unattended #Superhero pissing contest number 2 #Cap & Iron Man almost kiss #Mighty heli-carrier basically neutered by one freaking arrow #Clearly no radio in his ear but he pretends to have one #Computer virus delivered by arrow #For a super soldier, Captain America is a terrible shot #Loki tricks Thor with the old "Lucy/Charlie Brown" football prank #So Loki's plan was to get captured on purpose and have Hawkeye break him out, but no real objective? #Long boring fight scene between characters we are already trying not to hate #Tesseract mind-control powers erased with a simple blow to the head #Fury gives intimidating death stare to a computer screen #"Dying-person-can't-finish-their-last-profound-statement-before-dying" cliché #Bad news negates the need for medical care #Nick Fury motivates the team by lying about the location of baseball cards #Cap gets AIDS from handling bloody baseball cards #Basically-indestructible heroes still need little league pep talk to get up for the big challenge #Thor has trouble picking up his hammer but it's never explained #Every gadget in this f*cking movie has to glow with a blue light #Loki patiently waits for Iron Man to remove the damaged suit, grab a drink, banter a bit, and put on a new suit, instead of just killing him #Too bad Loki's mind control powers only work if the scepter touches the exact center of a person's chest #Generic bad guy soldiers whose abilities and shortcomings are never explained #Why are they even trying to stop an army that we never once see kill or injure a human being #Captain America is really more of a super-gymnast than a super-hero #Black Widow knows exactly how to handle and fire an alien weapon seconds after picking it up #And suddenly, there was Bruce Banner on a motorcycle #Production Design 101: Don't imitate anything from Transformers #Hulk can suddenly control his powers because story demands it #Thor's lighting turns out to be really, really effective against the aliens, but he only uses it once #The Council would rather definitely kill everyone in New York with a nuclear weapon than maybe have some die in an alien invasion #Loki gets caught monologuing #Nick Fury fires a missile at an American to stop him from firing a missile at Americans #All the enemy soldiers die like b*tches once the mother ship is exploded #There is no gravity in space, but Iron Man falls back to Earth anyway #(as Banner and Stark drive off together) Are Banner and Stark dating now? #Credits scene to tease the next movie turns out to be homework assignment #Shawarma scene missed by any moviegoer who didn't realize there would be two end-credit scenes (so basically everyone) Movie Sin Tally: 64 Sentence: Hell Category:EWW Videos Category:Videos